Dream BIG! A BIG dream of mine is coming true, before my very eyes.

When Your Dream Seems Impossible 

What is one of your biggest dreams?  Now, think about that dream.  Is it not so hard to wait for it to happen?  This has been my struggle for many years. The still small voice of God's spirit in me says, "Wait, wait, not yet, wait, be patient"  I often argue with that still small voice, way more powerful than me.  "But Lord, why?  There is this internal dialogue that goes on in my mind, back and forth and man is that exhausting.  Can anybody relate with this?

One of my dreams, has been to have a nice big house for our family.  It isn't really about the house, but making it a "home", a "refuge of safety", a place where my kids are free to make mistakes, to be vulnerable, to be loved, cherished and treasured. Financially it has taken us 13 years for this dream to come true..  How long did you have to wait for this dream of yours to come true?

In the first couple of years of Will and I's marriage, God blessed us with our 1st child, Ian.  An intelligent, born to be a leader, that rocked our world. We made a choice, I would stay home with him, and I stayed home as long as I possibly could, until I could no longer IGNORE my large amount of student loans (practically a house in itself) and increased need for finances from having more children.  Man was it glorious to invest all of my time in my children before I started having to work again. How easy is it to sometimes "ignore" the parts of our reality that we don't want to be true? 

 Now, let's rewind our life story to 3 years ago, financially we weren't making it. We had to make a tough decision that I was going to go to work Full-time as an ESL teacher all while Will completes his Master's in Social Work.  The plan was to work for 3 years until Will could get his "first job" as a social worker, then I could stop working and be a stay at home mom or even work part-time.

Now, fast forward to last year, Will gets a full-time job as a social worker.  I immediately jumped on the bandwagon, "Now, let's get a house."  We applied and were approved, and I was "ecstatic""screaming and running around the house.  My husband was nervous about house buying having just started his first Social Work position, and now I can agree that was sensible.  I resisted his thoughts. I had my mind only on MY plan. That's when God's still small voice said, "wait" and I immediately wanted to say, "No, Lord." acting as a toddler throwing a fit for candy, strategically placed in the checkout lane. I was deeply crushed, grew depressed, and frustrated. To be honest, I didn't truly trust God, his plan or his timing, a life long issue of mine.   I learned at an early age, I could depend on no one and did as much as I could for myself- INDEPENDENT. I spent the year raising our credit score, paying off all collections, medical bills, credit cards, to ready ourselves for a house. What areas of your life, do you withhold from God?  

A year later from then, here we are are again.  "Okay, Lord!  Now can we get a house?"  After seeking wise counsel from marriage Mentors that love and pray for us daily. Praise God for them.  They said, "it couldn't hurt to apply."  Emotions began to swirl around in my mind, a lot of anxiety, a little fear, a lot of doubt "could this actually happen" and a little bit of trust. 3 am the next day, my mind woke me up and wouldn't let the swirl of thoughts stop spiraling.  I started the pre-approval process for our house, so nervous about our student loan debt (practically a house in itself).  Anxiety consumed me, tears of a "pre-approval- NO!" I was instantly attacked by doubting my identity in Christ, doubting my God's power- even though He has shown me this time and time again.   I knew I was going to respond differently this time around, because God taught me that last year.  I wanted to respond with trust but there was no way I could do that UNLESS God's spirit empowered me, I was too weak, with the video of my sin stuck on replay in my mind and doubt from the enemy.

I had to pray through every identity verse in tears with heartache all the while consuming me, confirming and choosing to believe, what I didn't FEEL like believing, and what Satan was tricking me not to believe. After praying, I was amazed I could feel God lifting my negative consuming thoughts, calming my anxiety storm and saying, "trust me." "Help me, then"

I listened to 1 John 5 on repeat, over and over again. The spirit lifted these words from the pages of God's word and placed them in my heart and on my mind, 3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world.  God showed me that I wasn't trusting Him with my finances, and I wrestled through the entanglement of sin, independence and doubt and did what I felt Him calling me to do.  Weights fell off of my shoulders and chains were broken.  I diligently began praying for our response to come back for "pre-approval."  How has God spoken to you through His word lately?

The next day, I turned in all final pre-approval documents, and was again overcome not by anxiety, but by God's peace, trust and rest in His plans that I couldn't have found if I wasn't willing to fight through and surrender to Him.  What do you need to fight through in order to trust God more deeply? 

"Ring, ring, ring" leaping off my bed like a child overcome by pure excitement on Christmas day. I was "ready" for whatever answer God had for us with Will at my side as we answered our pre-approval phone call, vowing not to let depression control me if God's answer was "No."

The calm and steady voice of our loan officer, said "Congrats, we have you pre-approved." I knew God was finally bringing my dream to fruition.  I can't explain the amount of joy, excitement and trust that is coursing through every part of my soul.

God has paved the way by providing our security deposit and we are saving and trusting God to lead us through the rest of HIS and MY plan. He promises to walk hand in hand with Will and I as long as we don't choose to let go.

Friends, place your trust in all areas of your life in God for He will never fail you.  Be assured from 1 John 5 verse 4 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.  I know I will doubt again, but what a quiet trust that I have in God leading me through the next trials, temptations, sin, and choices I face.  He will do that for you as well!